7/20/09

Imagine All the People

I always imagined myself having a large family. Not the nine kids like my mom had, but maybe the 5 like my mother-in-law. After we gave our 16-month old son back to God, the doctors said that we had a 25% chance of having another with his same prognosis (a missing chromosome causing failure to thrive). But God prevailed and we have three healthy children. Now we're not sure if more children are in our future. I've had it with being pregnant, but not feeling like I'm "done" with the younger ages (since I still have a lifetime of mothering the three here on earth).

My husband, the more logical one, says right now is the time to enjoy our children growing up and becoming more independent. I have to agree that it is nice to have an almost three-year-old as the youngest. Only one child who needs assistance with getting buckled into the car, who is in diapers, who still climbs in bed with us. On the other hand (uh-oh says hubby), we are mostly good parents (a great dad and sometimes too vocal mom) who love God and want the best for our children (not unlike others out there), oh and love large families. I love how they look after each other, how there is a sense of community within the family, seen also in smaller size families when the extended family is nearby and get together a lot. This is why my heart is torn: there are millions of children who don't have parents, who could really really use the love and care.

We don't live around a lot of family. The family we have nearby consists of an uncle and our church who have stepped into that family role for us. I just don't know. I am content right now with where God has us. I just want more out of life whatever that might be (more kids or not). So I have been praying if God wants us to have more children (through adoption, please :) that God will tell my sweet husband. Life is miserable when I move outside the covering of our marriage and manipulate to get my way. I can be quite convincing when I want to be :)

If you have a moment, say a prayer that God will reveal His will to me and David. I am happiest and most at peace when I am waiting on Him. I think it's partly because the two older ones going off to school leaving me with just one child at home I sense a bit of empty nest syndrome (if that's possible at the age of not quite 31). But like I said before, I love large families, too.


Only three of these children are mine (this is some of our church family), but I loved the picture of what a large family could look like without stealing someone's picture off google.

3 comments:

Thom & Jenn Tobin said...

I hear you! I have 5. And feel good about it. Yet, sometimes...I am not sure I feel 'complete'. But is that me, or is that God? And when the kids have friends over and there are 8 or 9 kids, things feel more fun and complete. Now I LOVE being pregnant, whole and complete, crazy I know, but this was the time in my life when my husband fell in love with me, and maybe that is why I struggle with always wanting to be pregnant. I see your dilema, as I struggle with it also. I will be in prayer for you and David both.

valerie lynn said...

What a beautiful post of how God can turn things around when all hope is lost. What a blessing you have. Three beautiful children the Lord has graciously blessed you with. My mother was told by the doctors that she could not have children. She had five. God is truly amazing. Thank you for posting this most encouraging post my friend.

Love you and blessings!

Tina said...

What a beautiful story! It's amazing that God is so much bigger than doctors opinions isn't it?

Bless your beautiful family - whatever it's size - the Lord gave it to you.

Thanks for stopping by my blog. I'll bookmark yours and put it on my bloglines to keep up with your story.

Bless you!