Yesterday was the seven year mark of when our first-born went "Home." He was 16 months old and living with a rare disease (called Zellweger's Syndrome). One of my first few posts was about Andrew, so go here to read my other thoughts from 2005.
After a couple years, the anniversary of his passing didn't hurt as much, but yesterday it hurt in an unusual way. Actual sorrow, not depression. I laughed and played with my three children, but I craved looking through Andrew's scrapbook and even watched the video we played at his funeral with hubby. David is always great at supporting me during these times. Buys me chocolate and flowers. But more importantly, is alongside me on the journey.
It is through Jesus and heaven's hope that we survive the tragedy of losing children. On the television show, ER, a character who experienced the loss of her son put it this way, "When we lose our spouses we are widowers, when we lose our parents we're orphans, but when we lose our child, there is no word for that." And it's true. It takes a long time to not feel like lying when we don't tell people about our child (or children) in heaven and only refer to those kids that are still in our care.
But God knows. He understands our sorrow. Like our pastor said Sunday, "Jesus is interceding for us." And God uses the pain for good. One of the good things that came from my pain is a love for children that are not my own. I wonder what good things have come from your pain?
In this season of thankfulness, thank God for even the pain that He has allowed. And how He can use it for His glory. For "we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28